Why Can’t Everyone in the Middle East be so Happy?

You see this, correct? It’s a picture of Mohamed Atta and Ziad Jarrah who both piloted planes during the 9/11 terrorist attacks. It’s from a newly released video obtained by AP Television News in London. It’s dated Jan. 18, 2000.

Haven’t we had enough of this yet? The AP carried a story about this “new” tape entitled “9/11 hijackers smile, joke in 2000 video.” Okay terrorists, we get it. You orchestrated 9/11, you’re happy about it, and you’d like to do something like it again sometime. There isn’t even sound with this one. That’s pretty feeble. Since U.S. lip-reading, intelligence officers couldn’t decipher what was actually said, I think I’ll take a stab at it.

Atta: All that is evil, depraved and immoral leaks like vapor from a sewer from the western world.

Jarrah: And Israel.

Atta: Yes, and Israel. And the pope.

Jarrah: And anyone else who disobeys the word of Allah.

Atta: Yes, so we plan to strike the sin from the wicked airs of the west with the fist of Allah.

Jarrah: Or anything that we might find in Pakistan.

Atta: Yes (picking up newspaper), Ziad, have you seen this week’s Beetle Bailey?

Jarrah: Oh of course, what a riot!

(Together laughing)

Why is it that in every new (apparently meaning “between 1999 and 2001”) picture or video released from al-Qaeda shows someone smiling and happy? At least they don’t take their selves as seriously as Hugo Chavez.

Left: Hugo Chavez at U.N. calling Bush the "Devil" Right: Upset Muslims burning pope effigy

I wonder sometimes, is the promise of 40 virgins really strong enough to persuade millions to piss off the entire western world? These people really go through a lot to defend their beliefs. I mean, think about it – some of them blow up their own bodies. And what are some of the things they’re getting mad about? Cartoons and the pope? Come on.

I can’t believe they have it in them to smile as often as they do in these videos.

In other news bound to make President Bush leap with glee, scientists have discovered a more effective method of cloning mice. Doesn’t really sound that impressive when you consider that 2 or 3 out of every 100 clone attempts are successful.

Seriously, not all news reported from the Middle East is bad. Actually, if you ignore all of the insurgent violence in Iraq and Afghanistan, it really hasn’t been a bad month for the cradle of civilization. Progress in the relationship between Israel and Lebanon reached a high point today as the final Israeli troops pulled out of the Lebanon. The departure ended three-months of Israeli occupation in the country.

Luckily, the last of the troops made it out by 2:30 a.m., just in time for Yom Kippur.

Finally, with the increase in the number of HDTV sets in the U.S., it is now more possible than ever to get up close and personal with your favorite celebs. Well, some warn, be careful what you wish for.

A list of the best and worst looking on HDTV has been released, and the results are, actually, exactly what you would expect.

Rosie O’Donnell and Howard Stern had their imperfections most clearly and painfully laid out before us, while Scarlett Johansson and basically the entire cast of “Lost” were HD hotties. There were more, but I lost interest. You can check it out here.

Until next time, I am out.